Awareness of yourself

One of the hardest things to be aware of is yourself.

Part of me (And probably part of you) would think this idea is ridiculous. How can anyone be aware of me better than me? I am me and therefor I should know about myself more than anyone else. Right?

Well, partly.

I say this because a lot of the time we are not completely aware of ourselves. What brought me to write this was that one of my friends, who shall be named as Chip for the purpose of this post, called me at about 11pm at night and we began talking about her life.

Just to let you know, before I get into this, Chip and I have had mutual interest in each other romantically, but because of timing and each of us having other commitments, we've never ended up anywhere. But we've talked about it.

So Chip called and began talking about her boyfriend, who shall for the purpose of this post we shall call Hector. Chip told me that Hector was concerned that when I went and saw Chip, she'd be lively, fun and bubbly, but when he saw Chip, Chip was often tired and sometimes grouchy. Chip lives at home most of the time now because she injured her back and it prevents her from working, which means she doesn't get much of a social life.

Chip also rang me to talk about how she felt about me. She and I, despite all thats happened still have feelings for each other, but we both know that if we ever were in a relationship, it wouldn't work. This leaves us in a weird place, where we can talk about anything, but where we can't do anything. We talk about problems, life and philosophies and its deep and satisfying. But its not always easy. Sometimes there are moments where either one of us do something suggestive accidentally and it becomes weird.
When I came over the other day she realised that her feelings for me were stronger that she thought. She was confused.

I knew why she was feeling that way. I could see what was wrong and why she thought she liked me more. It was because I was a remedy to her problems.

I know this because I have been through the same thing. When Talia wasn't able to talk about deep things with me and wasn't fulfilling me intellectually, Christy was there for me. But, while I felt close to Christy at the time and I thought I wanted Christy, I actually wanted Talia to be able to do what Christy could.

People can be more aware of you than you are because they've been through it all before and have figured out your confusion. They know what you're going through and can see what's wrong. They have an idea of how to fix it because they have figured out what they needed when the event was over.

In conclusion, Chip doesn't need me or anything. The reason why Hector isn't getting what he wants and why Chip isn't happy is because she's not socialising enough and because she's not working. She's lacking rhythm in her life and has very little pushing her to exceed. She hasn't completely figured out the problem and can't think of a solution for it. I know she loves Hector and she'll be happier with him again once she's happier with her life.