New year reflections and resolutions

Man, there is so much to talk about. For anyone reading this post, its mainly a reflection on my year of year of experience and how well/how badly it has gone.

Firstly, I'd like to explain that this year was the year of Experience. by this it means that I wanted to become experienced in certain area's of my life and gain a whole new bunch of experiences. I wanted to feel skilled as a person not only in my art, music and academic, but to becomes adept with dealing with people.

Overall, I feel that I have achieved a lot. However, a lot of this was because I turned 18. Here are the new things I experienced in 2010:

1. I was finishing VCE. (hence major stress)
2. Having a girlfriend.
3. Breaking up with a girlfriend.
4. Being a lead role in Bye Bye Birdie.
5. Finishing school.
6. Having my first drink.
7. Driving for the first time.
8. Doing my own washing and ironing (at home)
9. Budjeting my money
10. Experiencing crown from a long time member's point of view
(oh yeah, and visiting a strip club which is an experience I'd rather forget)

Lots of these were jsut due to growing older and being 18. So in that sense it was an easy year. Though, getting a lead role in the musical and having a girlfriend were based mainly off skill or luck. So those I can consider major achievements.

All the things I did were mostly good and I had a blast, but in a way the more new things i experienced, the less time I had to become experiened in the things I wanted to become skilled in. Luckily I had school to cover for some of this. My viscom folio forced me to become better skilled with using computers and my art, which a huge relief. Same thing for media and the Trio.

Actually on a side note about the trio. THANK GOD for the trio. I love it so much. It's really good at keeping my music senses trained and strong. Plus, singing is one of the things I was born to do. I just love it. Also Hamish is awesome and Shawn is a friggin music GENIUS. So tis a great social atmosphere.

My year has been a big year of soaring highs and my lowest ever lows. So I guess you could call it bitter sweet. I think I'll call it bitter sweet like lemon meringne tart.

I'm sure Kevin Rudd can relate.


So what now? Well, due to my lack of organisation this year, next year is gonna be my year of management. I need to learn how to manage myself and the things I do better. I've left too many people with expectations of me and I've let them down all because I haven't been organised enough. I'd like apologise for that, and please know that next I will be working on it.

In conclusion, I'd like to thank people this year who have made me feel better or myself or just been there for me when it mattered (in jokes included) (and yes this will sound very gay, but it's hard to be sentimental and not sound gay):
Luke Williams - You are the sugar to my life. You make everything that little be better. It's friggin magic man. MAGIC!

Hamish Gould - My beloved prince and clone. You make me feel like myself, you are there for me when I'm down and though your inexperience in life often makes your advice not quite right, you've got a heart of gold and a great mind. Thank you as always.

Vivienne Mah - My councilor. Whenever I need to talk about love problems you are always there to listen. Your enthusiasm is infectious and it brightens my spirits when I'm down. You're a bundle of brilliance.

Sharon Lin - My other councilor. You're a great friend and you're always there to listen to me. I like your taste in things too. It's pretty awesome. Any time I'm with you you add 1/10th of an improvement of my day to my day. You make average days good and you make good days great.

Ravindu - My Sri Lankin homeboy. You make everything funny. Love having a good laugh with you. Don't ever change cause any adjustment could only decrease your awesomeness. You are THE awesome. THE awesome. If you look up awesome in the dictionary, your face should be next to it.

Chris Cini - My Maltese bro. I really appreciate the talks we had on schoolies man. You're mah bro and we be bros for friggin ever. MALTESE PRIDE FTW!

Adrian - For being the same as always and having an abundance of intelligence with a subtle wise undertone. I really like it. Even if it is like 200 times faster than I can think.

Alan Nyugen - My frees buddy. Thanks for making frees really interesting and showing me a whole heap of awesome anime and manga related things.

Andrew Bates - Batesy Boy. You make everything more Batesy flavoured. While, to some, it is an acquired taste, I thoroughly enjoy it. We should hang out more. Also your a good hugger and I admire your confidence. Sorry if I wasn't there all the times you needed me.

Beth Camier - Thanks for helping me realise things about myself.

For all those who weren't mentioned, you still mean a lot to me as you were probably prodominant in a different year of my life.

Till then, I hope you all have a happy new year.
See you in 2011!

Regards,
Jonathan Calleja

The Craving

While the last 2 days have been great (Christmas and the cricket), the high I had from it has been pushed out of me faster than I thought it could be.

... I got that feeling again. It's romantic loneliness.

Something today told me that I did want to love again. I wanted to be held again, to be thought about and to be loved again. I want to show someone I love them and make them feel like the most important person in the world. I want to stare into their eyes and feel their warmth on my skin. I want to feel their tenderness and let them know I'll always be there for them for anything they need.

I want to live, I want to love and I want this silly romantic hunger to go away.

Eeeeeerrrrggghhh.....

Yesterday, the clubbing that almost was.

Yesterday was probably one of the most public transport using days of my life, as I caught the bus, the tram and the train all numerous times to get to different places. Where do you ask? well here is where I went and what happened:

Place: VicRoads
Major Events: The L's test.
What happened: I had the test. I was pretty nervous the entire time (my heart was pumping blood so hard I heard it in my ears). I passed. I found out I needed something official that had my address on it. I didn't have it. I took the bus back home as mum didn't want to drive me, got my VCE results letter, went back via bus (the whole process of travel took about 1 hour and 30 mins) and handed it in. I got my photo taken andmy L's reciept.

Later that day.....

Place: Myer business building in Docklands
Major Events: Being a Myer christmas angel
What happened: Along with a group of chime people. (Dougal, Hamish, Anne Matsi, Robin and 3 other girls whose names escape me). We (the seagulls as we where nicknamed) performed for the mostly greatful group of business men and women at the myer party. The gig was mostly iffy and it appeared that no-one heard us, as no-one stood and listened, they just went on chatting. But who cares. I got paid and had an awesome time :) And also, the next time I see those cooks, I could almost kiss one as they provided me with dinner in my time of EXTREME hunger (as I had forgotten lunch :S). Also the praising Hamish jokes continued. He is no longer just good enough to be a good prince, but a good angel as well :P

Even later that day....

Place: Outside Cheers nightclub in Hawthorn
Major Events: Clubbing (or almost)
What happened: I got there at 9:30 and waited outside for people to arrive who said they'd be there at around 8 or 9. They rung up and said they wouldn't be there by 10. Then I went for a stroll around Hawthorn as I didn't want to go into a club for my first time without having mates nearby. I was trying to play it safe. A lot of people going to these clubs looked really.... how do I say this.... overly lively, as if they were looking for some kinda of action and didn't care if it was at the expense of someone else. One of the night club bouncers called me a pretty boy, however he kinda muttered it to his mates. I dunno if I should take that as a compliment or an insult, or advice not to go clubbing in a good shirt and pants, but instead go with some kinda Assassin's Creed style hoody and long baggy pants or skinny jeans. Oh well, the whole experience was fun once some of my old friends arrived. I had a great talk with Jarod and still consider him a really good bloke. The main reason I went (to be truthful) was because two girls asked me to come ( i know I'm so shallow) and one of them was very good looking and seemed to like me despite having a boyfriend. Strange. Another person I once knew smoked a ciggie infront of me and despite my disgust, I tried not to make him feel bad for doing it. I played the indifferent card at the time, even though on the inside I wanted to slap him and stamp out the infernal ciggie.

On the way home

Place: Syndal train station
Major Events: Waiting for my mother who so kindly offered to pick me up.
What happened: I was waiting by a lamp post and a group of youths who had jsut come of the train all started running at me. At one point my mind was going WTF mate? But I'd already seem some crazy shiz that night and I was tired, so I could be bothered moving. In the end they just ran right past me and yelled out to the girls they had left behind "HE DIDN"T MOVE!" and yelled back at me "YOU RUINED THE FUN!"
My reply: "Sorry! Have a nice night"
At least that was a laugh.

I finally got to bed at 1am and slept till 10am, so I'm actually really happy with myself. 9 hours sleep is great.
Anyway, despite that its 8 days from the end of the year of experience, it appears that I'm still experiencing lots of stuff I didn't even know I would. What a good year it's been.

till then, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Poems and writing from my old 'Archive'

Okay, first off, I must explain that when I'm sitting at my desk, and I have a piece of paper and a pen in hand, stuff happens. I write poetry, or draw pictures or just rant all my feelings onto a page and all of this is placed in various places in my room. I keep most of it in one particular place in my room, and I cleaned that out yesterday to find a whole heap of old work. Hence I am uploading some of it on my blog.


How long

How long, how long,
How long must one wait,
Till they have waited long enough?

How much, how much,
How much must I think,
Till I have thought enough?

How sure, how sure,
How sure must I be?
To know these feeling are true?

And how, oh how,
Oh how can I tell?
Tell you, that I, love you?



What can I rely on? (a hypothetical rant)

What can I rely on? People? Partly. They change.
Knowledge? Partly. It can be wrong.
Technology? Partly. It breaks.
History? Partly. It can be disproven and is subject to interpretation.
God? Possibly... But these gods don't feel right. They want things from you. They want more from you than what they created you with.
The world? Mostly. Day and night continue, however the world is subject to humanity.
Nature? Mostly, if it is left alone. But it is never left alone.
Myself? Partly. My moments of weakness fail me.
What can I rely on?


Two conflicting forces

Two conflicting forces,
Are dueling inside me,
One for logic and wisdom,
The other, passionate liberty.

To face either,
Without the other,
Is to give into its power.

And yet to give in,
Would be comforting,
I'd feel better by the hour.

But a longer stretch of time,
A month? a week?
Will I be reconsidering,
What I seek?

Both these roads could lead,
To either hardship or riches,
and on the way,
Will I meet angels or witches?

But which ever road I take,
Which ever fighter wins,
Love will still be love,
And sins will still be sins.

Just a word.

It has been a awhile since I posted anything and I think it's time for you people to get another snippet of my busy life, cause you know, you probably want to read about it since your reading my blog.

In a way, you're all stalkers, but not really as I'm giving you information about my life willingly and pretty much saying "HERE IS MY LIFE! READ ABOUT IT!" and I strangely enjoy it. So, if this is your preferred stalking method, please continue.
Man that sounded weird, but you probably expect that from me.

Yes, Life. It's supposed to be boring at the moment as I'm not supposed to have anything to do. However, being the crazy person I am, I have managed to fill up almost all my time with things to do. For example, I'm trying to do something with the trio, now officially named TripleClef. (see us on youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/user/TripleClef)
I'm also, once again, in the crown christmas choir and I'm earning monies doing what I love. Singing. In addition to that, I've had this dance concert, I've got a job today removing grass from a woman's lawn and I also been helping Hamish's folks move. So it's been long and busy. But never-the-less it's fun.

Tomorrow is the day I get my VCE results back. I hope I do well enough. I really have no idea what I'm going to get. Luckily I already know I've got a place in TAFE (well 2 actually) and I still have a chance of getting into Uni, so who knows.

It'd be kind of strange for me to finish my posts without a poem or a philosophical comment, so here's a question or two for you all.

What makes you happy?
If you are happy do you have a good life?

Post your answers in the comments. Serious answers please (or make them very funny).
Till then,
Lots of love,
Jonathan

Late night Blogging

There is just something about the darkness of the night that helps clear/distort your thoughts. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but the fact you are alone and its silent and the world is asleep means that its literally you and your thoughts. However the creeping wave of sleep distorts your thoughts and makes your thoughts warped. As if they are no longer straight, but instead, curved. Veering off towards a different conclusion than your original one.

Needless to say. I have a question. Actually this blog is mostly about questions really, because questions and answers intrigue me. I suppose when I think most, it is because I have a question unanswered and my mind constantly works about finding an answer.

Anyway, here is my question: If I think I like someone new and they're a friend, yet I don't know them that well, should I risk asking them out?
Like, when should a friend become more than a friend?
The thing is, if you make them more than a friend, can the break up leave you not wanting to talk to them anymore? Can it possibly leave this layer of awkward that is just unexplainable tension between the two?
But then again, if you don't make them more than friends, they might find someone else and my chance will be lost. Not only that but, what if they're "the one"?

I don't really believe in 'the one' crap. Some people are compatible and others aren't. There is no 'the one'. no-one will be able to completely understand you unless they seen everything you've seen and yeah, now I'm rambling. Point is that its so unlikely for you to find someone completely perfect for you, there is no point looking for them. My theory is if you can find someone 80% perfect and the 20% thats not perfect is tolerable then, that's a good match.

Anyway, I've spent enough time on this computer and its time for bed :P (well it was time for bed last night but I'm finishing the post now)
bye

A few thoughts and a poem

I guess you can't escape your own feelings. You can escape your distracting household. You can escape your distracting school. You can go somewhere where you have no distractions but your own thoughts. Yet it is those thoughts that distract me. So I wrote this:

I saw your face,
Gazed into your eyes,
I felt something I knew,
Quite by surprise.

But the feeling wasn't the same as before,
It was subtle, incomplete, unsure.
I didn't quite know how I felt.
It's harder to feel when sore.

There's no doubt you're pretty,
There's no doubt you're cool,
But the agony she caused me,
That break up, slow, cruel.

I'm fragmented, broken apart,
Slowly coming back to a whole,
I'm sorry if I'm strange or slow,
The past still takes its toll.

But here, there's a piece of me,
That's willing to start anew,
I'm willing to love again,
But my question is, are you?

An update and some philosophy

So lately a lot of stuff has been going on. Just to name a few things since last time I posted:
1. I broke up with Samantha
2. I've been studying for exams
3. I've done my english exam
4. I won an award for my film called "The Tart" (Best sound in Monash film festival)
5. My film got into BUFTA which is a national film festival
6. I have procrastinated....A LOT
7. I've got a bit obsessed with Magic the Gathering again
8. Chime choir has happened again :)

I'm love to ramble on about all of these but I'm gonna keep it short. Right so here goes:

1. Yes I broke up with Samantha. No, I don't remember the exact day. Does it really matter? Probably not. What happened? In a way, I'm still wondering. She basically said that she never really knew what love was and that she was lying to herself by saying she loved me. She asked if we could just be friends. Yes it hurt, but it was strangely liberating. When we broke it off I didn't feel too bad as all I had felt was pain and hurt because she kept me away. When she basically said Lets just be friends the pain and hurt kinda melted away has I didn't have to go through it because she was my girlfriend. It was very strange. Though I must have been in denial as the pain and hurt came back later and told me I still wanted her....
Since then I've moved on.

2.I've been studying for exams. English was great, but I haven't been studying much for Lit and its NOT GOOD.... Time just seems to float by.

3.English was good. Challenging but managable. Had a good talk with Mr. Bowen before it though. Apparently he wasn't good at school and it wasn only his year in the army that made him 'click' and become who he is today. Fascinating story.

4.What more to say but WOOHOO! Wish I'd spent more time on it though. It could have been better.

5. Free trip to Queensland to BOND Uni on the gold coast :) Shame it's on the tail end of schoolies, but whatever I'm GOING TO QUEENSLAND AND ITS ALL FREE :)

6.Procrastination leads to me being really proactive. I've moved all the bricks from the front lawn to the backyard. I've created about 8 or 9 pokemon. I've come up with new animation ideas and created about 6 magic decks out of the cards already published and 10 magic cards i designed. I've made a song on audicity using just my voice. In fact I seem to have done everything BUT study so eeerrgh.

7. Magic obsessed. It happens when I'm stressed about something I'm trying to avoid.

8. Woot Chime choir. Sitting in a room filled with great singers and nice people. It's really fun. Makes me seriously consider a career as a singer.

That's my brief update. I'll leave you all with something deep to think about.

How does one attain Wisdom?

The Pearls of Wisdom is a phrase I have heard somewhere, and so I have divided up the gaining of wisdom into 4 'Pearls', which, once aquired, will make you wiser.

Pearl 1: Wariness
The ability to see a situationand all your options that you can use to respond to the situation. You must also be wary of those around you and their options and how your actions may affect them.

Pearl 2: Limit
The ability to know your limitations and full potential as well as the potential and limits of those around you.

Pearl 3: Restraint
The ability to provide the right amount of a certain solution in order to fix a problem properly.
You must know how much power/pressure to apply or how much you must praise/uphold a person or situation in order to fix or relieve a problem.

Pearl 4: Value
The ability to weigh up your options and what you have in order to determine what is worth the most and what matters to you.

Remember, Wisdom is subjective, and is mostly achieved through constant trials, the ability to self reflect and self analyse and common sense. However we can learn and become wise through others and their experiences, so it doesn't take a life time in order to become wise enough to live a good life. Though a little extra wisdom never goes astry.

Speaking of which in regards to exams I must be more wary of my lack of knowledge and writing speed and more wary of the approaching exam. I must realise my potential to do well and restrain myself from procrastination. I do this because I value my own success.

Back to the normal

I named this post back to the normal. Well, maybe its not so normal, but it's at least a state of stablity, which is what I need at the moment.
This is what has been going on lately:
1. Grandfather has been particularly sick and getting very old.
2. Mother has needed lots of support, because she's stuggling looking after Papa and keeping herself sane.
3. My girlfriend was being a little vague and strange lately, and really down. There was nothing I could really do. So, until I called her recently this was really getting me down.
4. Dad isn't home
5. I should be studying, but I haven't been. I've been doing Viscom instead.
6. Haven't been out much, which is probably a good thing really :P
7. Crown choir rehersals (This is very much a yay)
8. Trio practise
9. Yesterday I spent some time with Hamish and that was really good.
10. My animation got into the youth film festival :D :D :D :D :D :D !!!!!!!

How I feel about it all?
Well, whenever mum shows any form of weakness it gets me down. I mean its mum. She's my constant, reliable person to talk to....usually. Whenever she's feeling insecure or she just can't cope anymore with the daily emotional pressures of life. This is usually rare, but lately its been a bit more common due to papa living with us and being sick and falling over and stuff.
Dad also isn't home to give mum support. Not that he gives her much when he is home, as he likes to live in his own world of horse racing, football and computers, but regardless, she feels more at ease when he is here. It must be the fact that he's a strong male protector and she loves him so much.
Papa has been coughing and wheezing, his face is swollen every morning because his skin can't handle the pressure of his own heads weight on a pillow anymore, his back is incredibly arched, he has almost no balance left, his right eye is completely blood shot at all times at the moment and he's finding it hard to button up his shirt and this morning he lost his teeth. Every moment I have to look back just to make sure everything is okay and that he hasn't fallen. So its a bit stressful. But I love him, so helping him out is fine.
Not to mention the GF said some really strange stuff last tuesday because she was feeling down (although I didn't know that at the time). I was wondering if she liked me at all at one point. I comtemplated breaking up with her if she didn't like me and life was nothing but a flood boggy of sadness for about 4 days were I finally felt strong enough to call her and sort things out. Though not much has changed, I feel heaps better about it all now and know that she does, infact, like me. But then again, she said all that cause she was feeling down, and there is still nothing I can do to make her feel better. It's so bad that she doesn't even want to meet up. So if I'm a little stressed later, bare with me.
Aside from all that lots of good things have happened in the last 2 days. I got pretty much all of my viscom done (Mega feel good achievement), I get to have trio practise (also mega feel good), Crown is back on (yay!) and I saw Hamish yesterday and played some Magic, so I'm really feeling like myself again.
On a super positive note. My animation got into the Monash Film Festival! WOOOHOO!!! Check Facebook for more details on that.
So I've had a very up and down holiday so far, but I'm feeling good for school, which is a relief.

Action plan from here on:
Get ready for school and study my brain out. Then pick up my brain, stuff it back in and settle it back in with some music and repeat. English Exam in 25 days. Eeepp

what I've been thinking about for the last 2 days

Due to my relationship with the GF, I've other thought about various relationship senarios. Hence the creation of this mini story:
This is the inner thoughts of a character I'm designing who has a bit of an insecurity problem.

Here is a little back story:
He's 16 and isn't well liked at school. He doesn't have many friends. He has a girlfriend who he adores but she doesn't treat him well. His girlfriend is kinda manipulative and uses him for her own entertainment. She's actually having a fling with another guy and is just trying to keep him from breaking up with her so she has him in "reserve". Yeah, she's a nasty piece of work. She deliberately tells him not to do things (like meet up with her or arrange things), saying it will stress her out and such, so he assumes she's under pressure from her father at home, who she fights with lots. The guy is very confused, as this is what he wrote down in a letter to her, which she later burns. Yet he stays with her still cause he doesn't believe he's worth much romantically.

Anyway, highlight this text if you wanna see what I wrote:
I can't handle this anymore. She's so confused and under pressure and there is NOTHING I can do. She rejects my advances and she doesn't even seem to want to see me. Isn't she supposed to love me? Isn't that what partners are for? Fuck girl, you've made some of the greatest moments in my life. You make me feel happy. I tremble after your kiss and you make me want you. I want to carry you round in my pocket, so I can spend every moment with you. You're super cool, as sexy as, but this is messed up. You're messed up. You don't even know what you feel and you hardly contribute at all to this relationship. Actions speak louder than words. And do you even think about what I feel? If I were to lock myself in my room and starve till you came, would you come? Would you let me die? would you give up a little bit of your comfort to ensure mine? Because I don't think you are ready for love. You say you are too young. Really? Too young? We're 16! Come on! How do I feel when you tell me that?
And how dare you play with me like this! You kiss me, you touch me, ou hug me, you dance with me and you made me fall in love with you... You enchanted me and then you say you can't see me! You can't even tell me taht you love me and when I ask you how you how you felt in our closest hour you casually say "I dunno". I feel angry and hurt and sympathetic and adoration all at the same time. And love. Stupid love. And yet, yes, I'm young. We're 16 and probably don't know about love, but I feel something very strongly towads you and I don't want to give you up. So, my love, what do I do? What do we do?.....

Bands that need to work together

Just a thought for some nice potential dual-band songs:
Passion pit + Vampire Weekend
The Cat Empire + Hilltop hoods
Justin Beiber + Mylie Cyrus (Hopefully they'll kill each other in the process. Its a match made in heaven people)
Coldplay + the Killers
Coldplay + Powderfinger
Coldpaly + Mumford and sons
Dragonforce + P.O.D.

Comment on any other good matches

Reality check

Every now and then there come a time where you entire world is questioned and what you previously thought about your existance is rethought.

For me, it came one night when I was sick. Yes, sickness does strange things to the mind.

Basically I had this really strange nightmare last night, and woke up in a hot sweat. The nightmare was basically that my bed had been used for some kind of physics experiment and I was drifting in and out of reality, while I was in it.
I broke dimentions, once I saw several copies of myself in the bed from above. Another time, time stopped and I was trapped in a moment that would never end.
Though, strangely I managed to find a way to get time going again, but then everything started racing and I found myself awake feeling super hot and thristy.

I have to say, that's one of scariest dreams I've ever had. Something about being stuck in one time and space for the rest of eternity really scared me. Despite that everything was actually black (as it was dark at midnight) everything was red in my mind, and I felt like a guinea pig in a science lab in the sense that there was all this stuff going on around me and I had no control over it. Not only that, but to be stuck in the same time and space means that I can't see friends, I can't do what I've planned for myself, I can't be the person I envisioned myself to be in the future. To have all your preconcieved ideas, throw up mercilessly into the air like that... Thank god I woke up.

However this happened several times as I drifted in and out of the same nightmare.
11:30pm
1:30am
4:30am
6:00am
and finally peace at 7:30am where I got up.

Made me really wonder where are we? Like not just on earth, but in the universe and what dimension are we in? What commands time? How insignificant am I, where I am completely at the mercy of time and dimensions.

It made me realise how much I liked "solid" and "true" things. Things that make sense and are undeniably true. But then again, who says that anything around us is true? Regardless, for my piece of mind, I like to know that things like rain, water, ground and air always exist and that the universe, regardless of my state, will always be there to comfort me and let me know that it still works.

English texts

A little poem I wrote in my free

English texts By Jonathan Calleja

Oh teacher, teacher, tell me why,
Why does this character have to die?
Why do all our English texts,
Constantly leave me to cry?

Teacher, teacher, why is it so,
That the mother’s kids have to go?
Why does it have to be depressing,
Why do they always feel so low?

And teacher, teacher, there are many books,
With nasty brutes and interesting hooks,
With a heroic protagonist,
With dashing looks.

Can’t we read the inspiring?
Can’t we fill our minds with fun?
Why do we have to read this gloom?
And fill our minds with endless doom.

Death, destruction, misery and hate,
Completely fill our mental plate,
And when we forget, you do not think,
That, perhaps, we want it clean?

Teacher: What’s the reason for his stress?
Student: Obviously, its repressed sex.

And what is also in every text?
Every story! Filled with sex!
You know that poem about the birch tree?
Repressed homosexuality!

I’d rather fill my mind with wool,
That is warm and fuzzy and light,
Than with this cold, sorrowful, content,
You make us work on every night.

Teacher! Teacher! Listen to me!
Hear me in my desperate plea!
Please let us study a book or a play,
That doesn’t end in misery.

4 weeks without commitments

These last 4 weeks I've missed a lot fo my outer school activities due to events in my life that have prevented me from going.
These events are:
1. Final Debating round ever (Noooo!)
2. Bye bye Birdie (Finished! Nooooo!)
3. VCE Careers night (Waste of time)
4. Chamber choir concert (We came second! Woot!)
5. Family commitments

I sincerely miss contemporary and Youth group and hope to be back in my regular schedual next week. I've been a busy boy :P

Voting

Today I voted for the first time. I did it in Wayburn Creache, which was my kinder garden. It was ridiculously nostalgic.

I voted for GREENS. I felt good

A lazy afternoon ramble

Note to readers, I'm kinda just gonna go blaaaaah and say what ever comes to mind, so this is pretty much pure ramble. I hope it's interesting.

Ever had on of those afternoons that feel like they are going forever and yet you get nothing done, so it seems like it didn't even happen? This is one of those afternoons. I'm a little drowzy, so thats probably a factor. But time seems so strange. It's not quite tangible and yet it's so precious. Why is it all these lonely afternoons feel like days and the hours I spend with people I enjoy spending time with feel like minutes?
I wish i could spend this drowzy afternoon with Samantha. Heck, I wish I could spend my life with her at the moment. I get so lonely and so lost in these afternoons. Yes, very lost. My thoughts just don't seem to congregate like normal. They're like clouds. They drift by, very slowly and when I try to gather them they just waft through my fingers....It's very annoying.
And life seems so monotonous. Its just get up. Go to school. Try to concentrate and understand everything in school and then get home and do what? Homework. Every night. I'm so envious of my dad who just goes to work and returns and doesn't have to do anything. And I'm not even doing anything I really want to do except Viscom, which is working on my card game. But even that...I only have myself to motivate myself, so its really difficult to do on a continuous basis.
And being a teenage boy is frustrating sometimes... Hormones are silly. They give you the desire for things even when you have no way to fulfil those desires...and it's so distracting..
And I honestly think that this life I have is not the proper way to live. If this was the right way to live, would I be second guessing myself so often? Would I be able to find such faults in it? Would people even be able to stuff up the world if it was the right way to live?
This is probably why I like the idea of being in a tribe so much. Tribes only had to worry about getting food and other tribes. They didn't have to worry about money or getting work in on time or having the right clothes to wear. They didn't have to worry about body image and they didn't have to worry about getting good grades. All they needed to be was strong, smart at getting food and needed to think about who they'd like to mate with. Live seemed so simple... You didn't have to understand maths or why red and green are oppositional colours. You didn't need facebook to talk to people. You'd simply hang out with them if you liked them. There are no goodbyes if you don't want them.
However there are definitely some things I like about this world we live in. Music is amazing and creating stories and dreaming is definitely part of the right way to live. It makes me feel so good and there are never reprocussions to it. It is honest and pure goodness, I never feel bad when making/reading/listening to them. And food. Food is amazing too. Luckily the world has got that right.
Well I'm feeling slightly more awake now so I think I'll go do some more homework. Sigh, such is life.

A right to believe, a right to sing?

I'd like to start this post with the question, do I seem like a christian? I've met lots of people and whoever meets me who's a christian immediately thinks I am one. I met a lady walking down the street who heard me singing and asked me if I was a christian. I then told her I wasn't and she went on for a good 20 minutes about how she had seen a vision of god telling her that she was suposted to say and live in autralia and not go back to the country she came from. There was also another man I met while walking home who's a christian, who thought I was a christian. He also liked hearing me sing. It's all very strange.

Is there a certain way christians act? Is it because I'm sure of myself and I like to sing loudly and proudly? I guess it must be something about me.....

Anyway, now for some more current stuff:

As many of you who know me well two things I loving doing is singing and thinking about religions. However, tonight (soon to be yesterday as I am typing this at midnight) the two seemed to collide as I was told at youth group something interesting. This is the gist of what one of the leaders said:

"I really like your singing and the fact that you sing loudly and sing harmonies is really nice. So much so you look like you are praising god. Do you have a spiritual connection with him? If you don't it seems strange and a shame that you can sing like christians are supposed to sing and yet you don't do it for the same reasons everyone else does"

So he basically told me that I shouldn't sing christian songs just because I like singing them, but rather because I should sing them for the love of god. (Not the love of music). This is why I've asked to be in the band and they've denied it.

I know you are all probably wondering "we'll you go to a youth group and yet your agnostic, so you should expect this kinda stuff", which is true in a sense. However this did touch a little bit of a nerve.

There were several problems I had with this remark (however I respected his point of view so I didn't bring it up until it was suitable):

1. If you are telling me to be a christian, are you respecting me for being who I am? Isn't part of who I am, what I believe? (he didn't believe that what you believe is part of who you are)
2. What/how am I supposed to do in response to this statement that will make you happy except become a christian? (I'm not ready to choose any particular religion yet, and doubt I'll choose one for a very long time)
3. Why do you want me to become a christian? If you are really doing it for my welfare, what's it gonna give me?

And not to mention, what do I ask myself?
Why not become a christian?
If this is their attitude, do I want to hang around them anymore?
Why are they asking me this?
Though, don't I feel a spiritual connection with something when I sing? if not, why is it so liberating?
Do christians songs really have to be sung because they are praising god, or can they just be sung for the fun of singing?

I guess my final conclusions are that I still respect this guy for voicing his point of view. I think to him, what he was doing was what he thought was what god wanted. Not to mention, you shouldn't get offended when a christian tells you to believe in god and christ as christians believe they are helping you towards god's gift of everlasting life. This doesn't stop them from seeming spiritually arrogant, but that's not their intension. I'm not ready to decide on any specific religion in my life as I don't have a need or a feel for any particular one at the moment. I'm happy with my little knowing, yet strong feeling self. I may not know the truth, but I know what I think could be the truth, and that's as close as I need for now.

In the meanwhile I'll just continue being myself and pondering the universe. I like singing because it makes me feel good. Whether or not it is to do with god, only god knows....

I just like being me and I don't want to change my beliefs or actions due to something I'm not even sure completely exists.

It's getting really late, so I'll leave you all, but I'll probably talk more on this later.

Sincerely, Jonathan Calleja

My reintroduction to Blogging.

It's been awhile since I last posted something here. Sorry people. This is due to year 12 and being in Bye Bye Birdie and getting a girlfriend and my 18th birthday and everything else I've been trying to do....

Anyway, this entry is more of a philosophical one. And the subject of today? What is a good life?

This all came from several of things that have happened recently. In my daydreaming I recalled a conversation I had with someone which went a bit like this:
"So what's your goal in life?"
"To have a good life?"

But what is a good life?

Well society tells us we'll have a good life if:
1. We grow up to be nice, strong and sexy people.
2. We go through schooling and go to university
3. We get jobs we love and become successful
4. We don't do drugs or drink huge amounts of alcohol
5. We get married (however this has largely reduced in recent years)
6. We have friends
7. We don't get involved in crime
8. We have aspiriations and goals
9. We have certain new technologies and gadgets (plasma TV, Ipod, etc.)
10. We have a house
Or something of the sort.
How correct is society? Is the life that we are told to follow the one that makes us happiest?

And I watched the movie "Fight Club" last night and by the end my mind had been well and truely pulled, pushed, warped and played with. I was really wound up. Hence I asked myself this question.

But how many of the things I've just listed do we really need?

Humans only need Food, water, and shelther to keep living, but how much other stuff do we need?
Not to mention how many of these things will lead to a good life?

I guess the idea of a good life completely depends on the person who is asking the question. My idea of a good life is where I'm satisfied with myself and what I do.
So I think my life is good as long as I sing, or draw or make stories and do something I love. My life is great if I have additional things taht make me happy. Like my lovely, briliant, awesome girlfriend. (Takes a moment to be smitten thinking of her).
But what if I camp for my whole life? Why do I need a house?
If I already know what I want to do with my life, why should I continue to learn new stuff at school if I already know everything I need to get it going?
Do the electronic products we buy really make us happy? what is the difference between a plasma TV and a regular one when it boils down to it? Looks mainly...
And this one is mostly inspired by fight club) since when is it so bad to fight as long as you aren't looking for something to kill? Why do men like fighting?
And who says you can't be happy being a Hermit up in the mountains? Where no-one will find you?
What is wrong with sleeping around as long as you don't get STDs?
And I know this sounds extremely childish, but why can't I do what I want whenever it comes into my mind?

But then again, if I sacrifice things i already have in life in order to increase my quality of life, will it really improve my life?

I guess the answer to all of these questions is:
"What feels right?",
"What will get you want you want in the end?"
and "What things do you want to avoid?"
Once you have established the answers to each of these 3 questions you can get an idea of what kind of answers you have to each of the other questions.

I don't have a point to make about this really, but its an interesting thing to think about.

Another Poem - The Siren

The Siren

The alluring Siren charmed him,
Her black hair and calm voice.
He'd known her long before this moment,
But only now he had the choice.

He would have loved to get lost in her world,
Her thoughts, her touch, her song,
He knew he couldn't get to close,
Yet, the distance from home was so long...

He creaps a little closer, closer still,
Moving forward in a delirium,
But he doesn't want to break what he's got,
To lose his equilibrium.

She begins to dance, he's in a trance,
His heart suddenly beating faster,
His emotions scream out his desire,
But his mind says he's the master.

He reminds himself of what he's got,
The woman he left behind,
The beautiful woman he calls his wife,
the woman who reads his mind.

His desire tells him to go for the siren.
His mind can't choose, confused.
His heart tell him not to risk it,
What he has is to precious to lose.

He sees the Siren's seduction,
He losing the will to fight it.
He knows that if he give in,
He'll only give love unrequited.

The boy who called Bitch

A super short story I made.

The boy who called Bitch

Once upon a time a baby boy called his mother “bitch”.
Everyone was so surprised that they laughed.
When they boy grew, he called his teacher a “bitch”
and all the students laughed.
When the teenager got a girlfriend he called her “his bitch”
and she laughed.
When he grew into a man he called a co-worker “bitch”
Then everyone called him “idiot”.

School ties

Sorry its been like 2 weeks....
Enjoy it anyway

Everything had been a success. Anna had just made a friend with a rather handsome young man. She smiled to herself in satisfaction. Even a study get together had been arranged so they could help each other with maths. It made up for that weird start to the day she’d had with Dane. As she walked the corridor to her locker for lunch she wondered what was going on in Dane’s mind.
Why was he in a gang in the first place? What did he do in the gang? Why’d he get so annoyed at me for reading “The Rising Light”?
Whatever she did, Anna only seemed to annoy Dane. Maybe that’s just the way he is….

She strolled over to locker and gingerly opened it, still in a good mood. She took one look at the locker and the mood evapourated. Not again.
Anna stood in front of her locker gaping at it in amazement. “Emo” had been written all over the walls what looked and smelled like permanent marker, her books had been smothered in honey and, at the centre of the horrid artwork, a mouldy sandwich with a note.
Anna didn’t even look at this not. She was furious. She grabbed the sandwich and stormed up to the closest bin and discarded it, throwing it as hard as she could into its dirty depths. She grabbed all her books walked with vigour to the toilets. She put them next to a basin and turned on the hot water. She scrubbed the books hard and fast, fuming with anger. “I’m so going to kill them” she said out aloud.
Anna had been so preoccupied in her own frustration that she hadn’t noticed the girl coming out of the cubicle behind her.
“Who are you going to kill, Anna?” the girl asked.
Still facing the basin, Anna grumbled “Oh why do you care? Leave me alone”
“That wasn’t very nice, Anna.” The girl said, frowning.
Finally snapping, Anna turned round. She was face to face with Mary-Anne.
Not her. Anyone but her. Anna forced a smile. She knew she shouldn’t be making enemies at the moment.
“Oh, it’s you Mary-Anne. Sorry, I didn’t recognise your voice. I’ve just had some bitch I don’t know ruin my locker for the second time.”
“That’s a shame”
“You can say that again”
“That’s a shame”
“Eeeeerrrrrgggh”
“Do you need some help scrubbing those books?”
Taken aback by the sudden kindness Anna didn’t know what to say.
“Um… yeah. Sure, thanks”
“It’s okay. I don’t have anything better to do”
Anna gave Mary-Anne half the books and they began scrubbing together. They didn’t say much, but Anna smiled weakly at Mary-Anne in thanks. She smiled back. At one point Mary-Anne took a finger full of honey and put it in her mouth. Anna looked at her in confusion.
“Are you sure you want to do that? You don’t know where that’s honey has been.”
“Wait a second”
Mary-Anne concentrated hard on the taste.
“This is ‘Busy Bee’ brand honey. It’s of a really low quality. I think I saw someone with a jar of this earlier this morning.”
“Wait a second. Are you saying you know who did this?”
“Well I don’t know their name, but I could tell you who they were if I looked at them.”
“Seriously?”
“I think so”
“If you could do that later I’d be so grateful”
“Sure, I don’t see why not”
“Thanks so much! For now we’d better finish scrubbing these”
“Okay”
Silence followed, only broken by the sound of running water. Then abruptly a thought hit Anna. “How the heck were you able to distinguish the honey from one taste?”
Mary-Anne laughed. “I really like cooking. I cook in my spare time. I have a really sensitive palette.”
“Cool. So what do you like to cook?”

Perhaps Mary-Anne isn’t so bad.


Dane’s head swirled in a surge of thoughts.
Why’d the Serpents have to come back? Shit, I can’t believe I attacked Gritz. They’ll be after me in no time. What about Anna, she won’t tell anyone will she? Crap. And why did she have to be the one borrowing “The Rising Light”? I mean HER! She sits next to me on the bus and she humiliates me in hockey, forces me to save her and then borrows the book I desperately want to read! Not that I have anytime to read it at the moment….Eerrgghh…. Think man, think!
Dane was in the quietist, calmest place in the entire school; the tree area, off the edge of the small oval. It was previously the make out area as it is quite secluded because it is between the fence of the school, a building and the trees, however since the school invested in security camera the number of students visiting the area and the number of in school pregnancies decreased. Despite its reputation, it still had a tranquil charm to it. Dane, however, didn’t notice the atmosphere. It could have been a battlefield with bullets flying past his head and he wouldn’t have budged. He was anchored in his troubled thoughts. Dane took a few deep breaths to calm down.
“Now… What are my options?” he thought.
Dane pulled a notepad out of his pocket and a pencil. He liked to think with his thoughts on paper.

1. Continue to evade the Serpents and make friends with Anna so she won’t tell anyone. The “Put a lid on it” method. Probably won’t work….

2. Join the Serpents so they don’t kill me…except I don’t want to join the Serpents…
Well if you can’t beat them, join them….

3. Move away?

4. Wait a second! What if I can beat them? Create my own gang to counter the Serpents?
Eerrrrgh too much effort….

5. Bluff that I have a gang myself? This rarely works….

6. Tell the cops? This is risky, but probably not that bad an option. Though once they get out of Juvie…

Now what to choose?

A poem for a friend

They told me of their problems and I listened. I tried to be empathetic and wrote this poem as if I were them. I hope that if they read it, it makes them feel better.


The Fallen Angel

That melting feeling wasn’t pretty,
Neither was it kind,
How could a present, horrible given,
Make me, in rage, so blind?

You promised me everything,
Whispered in my ear,
Told me you loved me,
You held me dear.

How can you leave me?
So confident, carefree,
When I’m melting away,
Melting into a sea

It’s my sea of misery,
Black sea of pain,
I’m deep in it, deep.
My body’s going lame.

I used to fly over this sea,
Wings broad and strong,
I thought nothing could stop me,
Oh how I was wrong.

You clipped my wings,
Snip, snip, snap, snap,
With no remorse you broke them,
I fell into your trap.

I fell to the ground,
Your support long gone,
I stood up with my shattered heart,
And began to be withdrawn.

Are you happy now? Now you’re free?
Now you’re free of your ties to me?
I hope you’re happy, you heartless wretch,
You’ve left me with only misery.

But I poured that out,
The black water in my chest,
I took a breath of air,
And so began my test.

Brick by brick I’ll build myself strong,
And cutting you out of my mind,
I’ll move forward, grow new wings,
And flying, leave you behind.


Cya later everyone.

Previous blog archive post

I'm sick of my previous blog screwing up so I copied all the stories and poems and I'll paste it here:

Poems
No More

I can call up a breeze, but no more.
I can make water freeze, but no more.
I can call up a fire, hot as Lucifer's breath,
I can heal a man, from within a inch of their death,
But no more.

I can sharpen swords,
and strengthen shields,
I can lengthen sight for miles,
stop pain a man feels,
I can multiply food,
and nulify poison,
I can do all this,
With the path I have chosen.

Killing a man is within my power,
For that I know for sure,
But I can only ever weaken a man,
After that, I can do no more.




Opportunity

To settle with sameness,
or cause a change?
To stick with one,
Or make a range?

To wither with indifference
or grow in Chaos' claws?
Should I like the same,
in life and likeness,
or risk my stability,
in chance's jaws?

My life is only as good as I make it,
So I had better make it well.
So I'll take this change; It might be good,
And leave time to tell.


The story "School Ties":

Blog story Chapter 1 part 1
It was just as it had always been. Wake up, eat breakfast consisting of cheap cereal and full cream milk, dodge a slipper thrown from an angry morning sibling fight, make lunch (though this is a new addition so maybe it isn't all as it has always been), pack the school bag and walk out of the chaotic household that is what Dane reluctantly calls home. Now outside he enjoys walking away from the madness. The sound and pressure he is under seems to drift away in the distance as he walks away from them. Now in a relative state of medicrety he walks down the street, across the road, down another street and gets on to the main road. Dane stopped after a few more metres. Cars smeared by leaving trails of grungy smells until the bus arrived.
The 511 was Dane's ride to school, however it did go further onto other suburbs of little importance. The trip usually took a good 15 minutes to get at Dane's desired location. He trudged up the lane of the bus and headed to his seat 3 rows from the back. His seat was the window seat. No-one else ever sat there because of the large amounts of graffiti on the window but also the back of the seat infront of it. Also parts of the cushion had been ripped by what looked like old knive swipes. Most people would be put off by such signs, but Dane knew the gang that had caused it had long since moved on to different areas. No-one else ever sat in his seat, well, until today.
Dane stopped 2 rows ahead of his seat. He scans the face of the person sitting in his seat quizzically. What kind of person sits in my seat? he thinks to himself. She look rather tall in comparison to most of the other girls he knew and her artificial black coloured hair hung slightly past her shoulders. Dane saw she was attractive, but not his type. Plus, he wasn't in the mood to talk. The bus ride was usually used either as valuable time to think or valuable time not to think. Either way, neither required him to talk and he liked it that way.
Dane looked out the window. He saw onwards to the speeding world, everything moving and changing. He felt as though he was in a time capsule. A completely different time to that world outside the window. Somehow two worlds were divided by a pane of glass and a scratch of graffiti. Dane let his gaze drift as he let himself fall into his own sanctuary in his head and let himself go until the bus stops at the street next to his school wear he gets off and heads to another chaotic world.
As Dane heads off towards the gate he doesn't notice the person following him. Their steps are small and almost shy. Which seems right as this is there first day at their new school. Or perhaps the steps are more predatory? Which could also explain why this character has changed schools. One thing that is true, though, is the way their hair is always jet black, just like their heart. Or at least she sees herself that way.


Chapter 2 Part 1
Dane's first two classes drifted by. Maths and English. His teachers were just briefing the class on what work they would do in the semester. Pretty self explanitory if someone was actually bothered to read the textbooks. The recess bell chimed in a lifted Dane's spirits. "Finally" Dane whispered to himself. He quickly got an apple from his locker and ate it in haste as he walked to the library. Dane hoped to borrow the final book in the Awakening series by Christoph Gavini, "The Rising Light". He'd read the entire series on the holidays. He read through "The First Adventurer" out of boredom, through "Trail of a Phantom" in intrigue, through "Dark Remnants" in fascination, through "The Dead Plan" in anticipation hoped to get his hands on the conclusion "The Rising Light". He walked in, approached the shelf it was supposed to be on and scanned the titles. It was missing. Dane had ordered the entire series innto the library just incase he thought it was going to be as good as the cover, so Dane knew it had to be there. He went on to the library computer and searched the library database for the book. One result came up.

"The Rising Light" by Christoph Gavini - On loan to Anna Jacha

"What?" Dane retorted quietly but in a way that showed his mounting frustration. He grumbled and gave the name a death stare. He won't forget the name Anna Jacha till he gets his hands on that book. Dane logged out of the library account and spent the rest of recess putting spaces in the username bar, changing the login settings, moving the window out of the screen and doing anything he could do to make it impossible for the next person to login. That'll teach them



This day just keeps getting better and better Anna thought. She was at her locker, which since the beginning of the day had become the object of someone's entertainment and been trashed. Anna found several notes that had been left by the culprits. Most of them she ignored as they mostly commented on her appearance and ever since she realised girls that bitching about other girls looks get no-one anywhere she has complete disregarded any attempts at listening to insults about how she looks. Though she did take note of one of them. "Where's your razor, emo girl? I couldn't find it in your bag. Though I did like some of the other things in there. Thanks for the supplies." Anna studied the handwriting on this note. Once she would have been hellbent on hunting down this person down and making their life a living hell. Actually she is still hellbent on hunting this person down, but this time Anna pledged to herself she would serve up retribution using teachers and evidence this time, instead of serving up retribution with pranks and personal humiliation like last time.

The next class she had was Art. Art was Anna's passion. She hoped she'd have a good art teacher in this school. Her favourite teacher of her entire lifetime was her previous art teacher, Mrs. Samite. Mrs. Samite looked half as beautiful as her art physically, but her joy, enthusiasm and open mind was what really made her a beautiful person and a great teacher. She was Anna's role model. Probably one of the only things she missed from her old school.

"Hey! You're the new girl aren't cha?" said a voice from behind her, abruptly destroying Anna's nostalgia.
Before Anna could even turn round the owner of the voice was face to face to her and so close Anna was almost going cross-eyed.
"Yeah, I am the new girl." She replied cautiously
"Pleased to meet cha! I'm Mary. Mary-anne. What's your name?" Mary said with a smile
"Um, my name's Anna."
"Anne? Then your like me!"
"No, its pronounced Anna"
"Yeah, yeah. Same thing. Anyway, are you going to art?"
"Yes I am."
"Cool. I'm going there too! We can be buddies!"

This is going to be a long day...



Chapter 2 Part 2
The previous part of this story can be read at http://www.doaabc.blogspot.com/.

Dear Diary,

I still find it strange that even when I'm given a new opportunity in this new school I still manage to get something annoying happen to me. Bloody hell. Those friggin girls went through my locker. I hate idiots like them. I wish those popular airheads had something better to do with their time than call me an Emo. I'm not emo, I had dye my hair black cause I think its looks better than boring old brown. EEEEEeeeerrrrgh and my art teacher at this school SUCKS! Oh my gosh, I couldn't imagine a worse an art teacher except that old hag we had one time in primary school who kept yelling at us and complaining of hot flushes and menopause. This art teacher is called Mr. Nerp (What a strange, strange name) and he's a pervert. He spent the first half of lesson introducing himself and talking. He spent the next half over ever girls’ shoulders, supposedly looking at how well they draw and not their cleavage. Where is the inspiring ideas? The tossing around of thoughts? The expression and flare? I saw none of that today.... Just plain old drawing practise.

At least the rest of the day passed relatively well. The rest of my teachers are okay so far. As for the students, there was this girl who came up to me today. Like fully in my face. I don’t know about most people, but the space between my face and the air I breathe is my personal space and she broke that. Aside from that she’s kinda loud and energetic, which is....discomforting.

On the bright side though, I got that book I wanted to read. I decided not to start on the bus today because I wanted to keep my bag away from prying hands that may want to steal what remaining things I have. And how could I let "the Rising Light" be stolen! I held that bag tightly all the way home. I sat in the same seat and that boy who didn't talk sat next to me again. He looks a little....like the depressed/angry silent type. It think it's to do with how he does his hair....

Anyway, on the whole, the day was pretty lame. Hopefully tomorrow brightens up a bit. After all, there is hockey training after school. Hopefully my fellow player's won't be idiots.


Anna

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once again it was just as it had always been. Wake up, eat breakfast consisting of cheap cereal and full cream milk, dodge a slipper thrown from an angry morning sibling fight, make lunch, pack the school bag and walk out of the chaotic household that is what Dane reluctantly calls home. Except today he paused. He walked back into the house with curiosity.

"Hey mum, how was your new job?" Dane asked her.
"That's funny Dane. You're taking an interesting the rest of the family." She replied with a smirk.
Dane frowned.
"To tell you the truth Dane, I can't say from the first day. It's strange having an office job cause I've never had one before. It's nothing like my previous career"
"Nothing is like your previous career..."
"Looking after you kids is" she replied almost laughing.
Dane's mother had worked at a zoo, caring for the monkey and pig enclosures until she had become pregnant. Since then she never went back as she never had the time. Only recently has she gone back to work. Dane in a way felt sorry for his mother. Ever since the divorce its been hard. His father was the main income supplier for the family, while his mother looked after the kids. Though he rarely saw his father now, he didn't feel as though it had changed much as he didn't see his father much before either. His father was the hard working type. The type of man you'd expect to not want a family as it would hinder his career. He was also an opportunist, so if a seductive woman where to come his way, despite his marriage, he'd take the chance of not spending the night alone. Dane wondered how his mother and father fell in love in the first place becasue they seemed like such polar opposites.

"Anyway, you should ask me this at a different time. I have to be out the door at the same time as you do nowhere days. Talk to me after work"
"But I didn't see you last night at all! I had to make my own dinner and everything"
"That's cause you go to bed early. If you'd stayed up till 10 you could have seen me. Talk to me tonight"

With that his mother grabbed a piece of toast, shoved it in her mouth and rushed off towards the car. Dane sighed.
He looked around and checked that the house was mostly in order.

Clothes strewn all over the floor? Check.

Dishes waiting to be cleaned? Check.

Siblings fighting while getting ready for school? Check....wait a second.

Alexander hadn't quite got his socks on right. He had a yellow one on his left foot and a blue one on his right and Mia, the only girl in the house aside from his mother, was still in her pyjamas. Alexander, the youngest of the two, had hit Mia hard in the nose with his bag because she was touching his favourite keychain. The end result was a broken keychain, a blood nose and two crying children.

Dane wasn't going to get to school on time...



[b]School Ties (hockey game part 2)[/b]
Dane and Anna's hockey teams have just been playing a ripper game of hockey. read the previous post at www.doaabc.blogspot.com

The hockey ball shot from Anna's hockey stick right into the middle of the goal. A defender manage to put their stick in between the ball and the goal but it was at the wrong angle. The ball bounced off the stick and went into the net. Anna had scored.

The Anna's team erupted with cheers, though it was short lived as the game had not ended yet. There was 30 seconds left of play time.

"Anna, great job! But we need you in defense again. We don't want to loose this lead." Frank told Anna.
Anna frowned but agree, reluctantly. She hoped the coach would see it a different way after the game.

The ball began again from the centre. It was quickly passed from the centre player to one of the players on the flanks. Dane rushed from in from his position halfway on the field and ran down the pitch for all his life was worth. He was determined to make up for his failure. The ball was luckily passed his way and he dodged one of the opposition’s defenders.

There was 15 seconds of time left in the game.

Dane closed in on and prepared to shoot for the goal his team needed to draw. He aimed and swung. TWACK! Had he hit the ball?


Anna saw the player rush out of their position and miraculously dodge on of the defenders, but she wasn’t going to let him get passed her. She charged towards him and got ready to tackle. He was open and he reared up to take a shot. She only had seconds to decide what to do. She lowered her hockey stick and stretched with all she had.

TWACK! Dane’s strike had such force that Anna’s hockey stick flew out of her hand and into her shins. The ball sped off, but because of Anna’s interception it rolled off to one side, away from the goals. Anna screamed of pain and victory. The whistle went. The game was over.

Dane angrily wacked the ground with his hockey stick. He knew he shouldn’t but he did it anyway. He stomped away scowling at himself and realized how furious he was. He took a deep breath and convinced himself that he needed to be a good sport, not that he really cared that much. He shook hands with the other team and gave that girl who blocked him a good glare. He wouldn’t forget that face. Wait a second. Had he seen her before?

Anna limped over to her teammates and rejoiced. They hoisted her up on their shoulders and paraded around in their elation. They had won. After a few seconds of ecstasy they realized they hadn’t shook hand with the other team and they let Anna down. Every player quickly shook hands with the opposition. Anna worked her way down the line carelessly giving the standard “good game” until she came to the boy she stopped. He grabbed her hand almost roughly and looked her in the eye. Did she know him from somewhere?

The boy’s expression changed to a more quizzical look. So did Frank’s face. They had been shaking hands for a good 10 seconds now and looking strangely at each other. Anna pulled her hand away.

“I’m sorry, but do you two know each other?” Frank mused.
“I think so. You’re the guy who sits next to me on the bus” said Anna.
“Actually, you stole my usual seat on the bus. I used to sit there before you did.” Dane replied.
“Oh, I didn’t know”
Dan irritably voiced “Good game” and was off. Anna stood there bewildered by the events that had just passed. She shook her head briefly and regained her composure. She had a win to enjoy.
“We won guys!” She cried.
Applause and cheers erupted from her team. It had been a good day.

For now…

ANGRY Angry Anger!!!!!!

As you can probably guess I'm pissed off. Why? Well that's simple.

This is because my one of my teachers is going to try and take me out of the musical because I'm not keeping up with my homework.

So you think: "Well you're not doing your homework, so therefor she has a point"
and I think: "Yes I agree with that....BUT!"

This musical is not the problem. My part is small in comparison to other parts and it doesn't affect my homework much at all. The problem is my own time management.

Not to mention what right does she have to take me out of the musical (which is one of the things that gives me drive, makes me happy and keeps me sane) when it is my decision and part of my life? She should know that my life is my own and that if I don't do the homework (which isn't even going to any marks or anything) I should still have the right to do things I love as this life is mine. Plus I don't work well under stress and if I'm stressed I produce bad work. This is another reason I'm annoyed at her, because she thinks that if i'm stressed more then I'm going to do better work, thats just not how my brain works.

I really like the way one of my other teachers teaches me. He treats me as an individual and he understands that if I work hard thats my job. He just provides the work and what I need to know. If I'm behind its just a simple "you need to catch up" and that is the end of it. This way there is no stress and I can still enjoy his classes and the subject without ripping myself apart in my mind over whether or not I'm going to be growled at. I actually want to do well in his subject because it's my responsibility, not because a teacher is telling me "YOU MUST DO WELL IN THIS OR ELSE". When a teacher takes the "DO WELL OR ELSE" style approach I don't want to do well in class because I want to and I don't look forward to their lessons.

If she wants to interfer with my life like this and take away something I have worked hard to try and get then I shall interfer in her job and not hand in any homework for her subject. I shall still study for my SACs as that is part of my life, but if she acts outside her bubble of influence and power then I'm going to pop it.

Teachers should know that they are teachers and should teach me what I need to know to do well in year 12, not meddle in my life as she does not know what is best for my brain or my emotional health.

The best teachers I have had have been supportive ones that understand that if I don't put the work in that is my responsibility and that treat me as an equal. They have made me or kept me interested in the subject and I have done well because I haven't stressed. I have also noticed that all the subjects I have done badly in have either been because I had a teacher that didn't teach well (1 particular year 7 subject) or I have not actually liked and hence had no drive (Maths... I appologise to all my maths teachers if I was ever a pain) or I have had teachers that applied too much stress on me (last year of french and methods).

I don't want to only just pass again....

Story update

School ties continued. Go to www.doaabc.blogspot.com for the previous entry

Dane didn’t believe what he saw. The girl who beat him in hockey just hit the leader of the Serpents in the in the balls. He stood there frozen in shock.

“Holy cow! Now she’s done it.” He thought.

The leader of the Serpents rushed at Anna as best he could after the blow he’d taken and grabbed her arms. Anna tried to flick up her hockey stick at his face but he grabbed it and pulled it, attempting to wrench it from her grasp.

“Help me!” Anna screamed at Dane.

The leader looked at Dane, winced in pain, then looked at Anna and back again. He burst into laughter and winced again.

“You seriously think Dane is gonna help you? Hahaha...Ouch… Dane, it has been a while”
Dane looked up, his face now shifting from shocked to serious.
“It has, it has. Where have you been for the last year Gritz?”
“Just spreading my turf in different suburbs” Gritz replied, suddenly recovering.
“That’s not what I heard.”
“The details are details, they don’t matter. So wanna join the Serpents again?”
Dane dropped his head and smirked.
“So you weren’t successful in the other suburbs?”
“What do you mean Dane?” Gritz rebuked, suddenly changing his tone.
“Well you’re asking me to join the gang. You’re recruiting. Why would you need to do that if you were successful? You would already have had a suburban army if everything had gone your way”
Gritz sneered.
“So what if I failed. Regardless, it shouldn’t change your decision. Are you with me or are you against me?”

The serious mask warped back into Dane’s face. For a moment he just stared into Gritz’s eyes, trying to read his mind. Finding nothing of substance, as usual, he looked down.
“What should I do?” Dane wondered. “Do I rejoin again and go through everything that happened last time? It was fun, but where did it get me? Hmmm…”

Suddenly Dane snapped. He had decided. He launched himself at Gritz. Anna, who was still being held by Gritz tried to pull herself away with her hockey stick but Gritz wouldn’t let go. The Serpents realized their leader was being attacked and charged in to help. Dane didn’t have much time. Gritz suddenly realized what was happening and kicked Anna in the chest to force her to let go of the hockey stick. It worked. Dane realized this and punched Gritz’s bicep hard. Gritz let go with one of his hand and before he realized what was happening the hockey stick was twisted out of his other. Dane had a chance. He whipped the stick around and struck at Gritz’s ribs. Gritz buckled over in pain.
“and now it’s time to leave” Dane thought.

“Hey! Chick! If you value your life, RUN LIKE HELL” Dane screamed.

Anna picked up her stuff and ran as hard as she could. She ran up a back street and round a block in the hope that she’d lose anyone who was following her. She ran all the way to the next bus stop on her line and hunched over in a panting delirium. She looked round. No-one was following her and there was not a gang member in sight. Phew. She sat down at the bus stop and let herself go. The bus arrived at the stop and opened it’s doors. “There has just been too much drama this afternoon” Anna sighed as she walked up to the bus, “with that boy and all… WAIT A MINUTE! He has my hockey stick!”

Before Anna could say another word she turned round. Dane came running in a mad frenzy down the back street she had just run from, complete with her broken hockey stick and an angry gang about 10 meters behind. Anna stood in the bus doorway, gaping in horror.
“What is with that boy?” she thought
The bus door began to close and Dane sprinted for all he was worth. Anna, realizing he was aiming to get on the bus quickly moved out of the doorway.
“Excuse me sir, could you keep the door open till that boy gets on?” she asked the bus driver. The bus driver just flicked as switch and the doors began to open again. Within seconds Dane was on the bus, rasping at the bus driver “Close the door! Close the door!”
The bus driver took one look at the gang and realized it would really ruin his day. He slammed on the accelerator and closed the doors, leaving the serpents in the exhaust trail.
They were fine.

“You’re crazy you know.” Anna told Dane.
“You’re just as crazy! You hit Gritz in the balls with a hockey stick!” Dane panted in reply.
“You were in their gang before!”
“So what? Plus that was a year ago. You should be grateful! I busted my gut to save you!”
“Yes, good point. Thanks”
“I can’t believe I did that. And after you humiliated me in hockey”
“Hey, don’t blame me if I’m better than you”
Dane frowned.
“What’s your name anyway, my savior?” Anna said with a hint of sarcasm.
“Dane, if you must know.”
Anna waited expectantly.
“Don’t you want to know my name?”
“Quite frankly, all I want to know you as is ‘rival’”

Anna smirked. Oh well. If he wants to be antisocial, so be it. I’ll just read my book. Anna sifted through her bag and brought out “The Rising Light” and began to read it. Dane froze.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Dane said. “You’re Anna?!?”

A short poem

Hey guys. You should all know by now, when I'm procrastinating I write poetry, so here a poem I wrote:

Tis a tad dark.

Fulfilment

He walks a slow yet steady walk,
A definite and determined pace.
He does not know where he goes,
But knows he must find his place.

Legs tired from a lifetimes use,
Hands on his walking cane,
Mind failing cause of past abuse,
He hobbles in his old frame.

He reviews his life with every step,
Judges his praise and is pain.
He won't turn round, or look back,
He's not planning to come back again.

He trips and falls on a root unseen,
A curse hidden under his breath,
He walks the rest of the way with his mind,
And continues on to death.

NEW BLOG SPACE

To all those who used to read my blog at http://hyperwater.easyjournal.com/
I have now changed website as easyjournal dies too easy.
I shall now post my story with Jack and other blog posts up here.
Hope you all make the transition to this blog easily. :)

Have a nice day my readers,
Jonathan