So I'm green

DEAR READERS. PLEASE NOTE I'M BEING A PATHETIC EMOTIONAL TEENGER WHO IS VENTING THROUGH THE USE OF HIS BLOG. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ANYTHING THAT IS TO DO WITH MY LACK OF GIRLFRIEND, BECAUSE YOU ARE SICK OF THIS LOVE SICK BASTARD GOING ON ABOUT IT, THEN PLEASE DON'T READ THIS.
(I will not think badly of you for doing so.)

It is a strange feeling to be jealous. However, I suppose I'm jealous with good reason. I say that only because, all things considered, jealousy is a somewhat natural response in the situation I'm in.

I'm jealous of one of my best friends because the relationship he's in appears so easy. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him, (This is his first relationship) but the ease and speed of it is what I'm really annoyed about.

2 days ago he was at my house talking to me about this girl he got asked out by. He said they went on a date and while he enjoyed it, he was unsure about whether or not he really wanted to get involved in something so serious so quickly.

I'm not jealous of him because he's got a nice, intelligent girlfriend, but just the ease in which he's found himself in this relationship is annoying. And she asked him. That's important. I mean that means she wants him enough to actually get the courage to ask him out. It also means that she is willing to go out of her way to organise time to be together and drive the relationship. Its basically proof that she likes him.

I'm jealous because I'm absolutely busting to find a girl who likes me for who I am and who I can show I love them. I've always had to ask out girls I've liked and as a consiquence I'm the one driving the relationship. For the most part I don't mind that, but there comes a time where I wan to feel loved for what I do. When I needed that with my first girlfriend, I was denied it and we broke up. Since then I've been craving it. Craving the intimacy, the care someone has for me, the touch, ability to look into someone's eyes and know that the love I feel for her is also resiprocated in her towards me.

I know this sounds so cliche and "Forever alone"-ish, but its how I feel. What about me?

Poem - The Knight and the Damsel

The Knight and the Damsel

Dear friend, dear friend,
Dear friend of mine.
Sometimes I think I know,
What's in your muddled mind.

There are times at which,
I think I see,
What you want,
And what you want of me.

But then you say "I want you"
And next you say "I'm scared"
Yet you cling to me so deperately,
Because your dream has teared?

You have a knight, a noble one,
One of grace and trust,
But his shine can't compare to mine,
And neither can his thrust.

But I don't want to duel him down.
I might have tried to, once.
But my wits are sharper than my sword,
So I lost my ignorance.

But it's not all that's gone,
Another has evolved,
As my ignorance turned to wisdom,
My love for you dissolved.

It pains me to say it,
For it is sad but true.
Now I have no more love,
I only lust for you.

I even think I told you once.
I told you I not playing that game.
But you want me to play so much,
Because the world you're in is so tame.

I'm all for satisfaction,
But this is a trap.
I'd satisfy my body, not my heart,
Where's the real stisfaction in that?

My vision that keeps me shining,
My idea of what I want to be,
Would be contradicted and destroyed,
If I fulfilled your fantasy.

I know you long for someone else,
But that someone cannot be me.
You've got filled hands, an empty heart,
But that is all you see.

Lunch time FTW!

Lunch time is probably one of my favourite times of the day. It is good because it is only ever either busy (Due to family relatives coming over for a good time)or very peaceful and calm. And at lunch time all your thinking about is lunch. which is good.

It's better than dinner because at dinner you also feel inclined to sit round a table with your family and listen to what everyone has done that day. While this might seem better than lunch due to the social experience of your loving family, anyone who has lived in a family like mine (even for a day) would know dinner table conversation often ends up in a fight, an arguement, someone complaining about something you don't care about or people are too tired and grumpy to have a proper civilised meal. In addition, dinner conversation is completely subject to the what good shows are on the telly. If a good show is on, dinner table conversation will be completely muted in favour of whoever's face is on the screen. (However, in televisions defence, at least the face on the TV doesn't argue with you).

Lunch time, unlike other meals of the day, offers quiet time for reflection and idea generation, which as a creative thinker I find very valuable. It is at times like lunch time where I can come up with stories and concepts that help me realise things about myself and who I am. For some strange reason, lunch time is where these ideas come to me most clearly, and it is due to this personal phenomenon lunchtime gives me a greater amount of satisfaction in comparison to any other meal time.

Due to lunchtime I re-realised my belief that people are fundamentally good and that I have faith in humanity. I like making stories and coming up with ideas that make people value the world that they live in. Ultimately we're stuck in this world, so why focus on the negative if you don't have a positive to work towards? This is why I want people to see the positives in their live and appreciate them and I want to include that into all the creative work I do.

I hope by reading this you'll realise the value in a time of the day you probably didn't really think much about before. So, next time you find yourself munchin on deliciousness at (close to) midday, take a moment to admire the time you have to think.

In short, lunchtime FTW!