Reality check

Every now and then there come a time where you entire world is questioned and what you previously thought about your existance is rethought.

For me, it came one night when I was sick. Yes, sickness does strange things to the mind.

Basically I had this really strange nightmare last night, and woke up in a hot sweat. The nightmare was basically that my bed had been used for some kind of physics experiment and I was drifting in and out of reality, while I was in it.
I broke dimentions, once I saw several copies of myself in the bed from above. Another time, time stopped and I was trapped in a moment that would never end.
Though, strangely I managed to find a way to get time going again, but then everything started racing and I found myself awake feeling super hot and thristy.

I have to say, that's one of scariest dreams I've ever had. Something about being stuck in one time and space for the rest of eternity really scared me. Despite that everything was actually black (as it was dark at midnight) everything was red in my mind, and I felt like a guinea pig in a science lab in the sense that there was all this stuff going on around me and I had no control over it. Not only that, but to be stuck in the same time and space means that I can't see friends, I can't do what I've planned for myself, I can't be the person I envisioned myself to be in the future. To have all your preconcieved ideas, throw up mercilessly into the air like that... Thank god I woke up.

However this happened several times as I drifted in and out of the same nightmare.
11:30pm
1:30am
4:30am
6:00am
and finally peace at 7:30am where I got up.

Made me really wonder where are we? Like not just on earth, but in the universe and what dimension are we in? What commands time? How insignificant am I, where I am completely at the mercy of time and dimensions.

It made me realise how much I liked "solid" and "true" things. Things that make sense and are undeniably true. But then again, who says that anything around us is true? Regardless, for my piece of mind, I like to know that things like rain, water, ground and air always exist and that the universe, regardless of my state, will always be there to comfort me and let me know that it still works.

English texts

A little poem I wrote in my free

English texts By Jonathan Calleja

Oh teacher, teacher, tell me why,
Why does this character have to die?
Why do all our English texts,
Constantly leave me to cry?

Teacher, teacher, why is it so,
That the mother’s kids have to go?
Why does it have to be depressing,
Why do they always feel so low?

And teacher, teacher, there are many books,
With nasty brutes and interesting hooks,
With a heroic protagonist,
With dashing looks.

Can’t we read the inspiring?
Can’t we fill our minds with fun?
Why do we have to read this gloom?
And fill our minds with endless doom.

Death, destruction, misery and hate,
Completely fill our mental plate,
And when we forget, you do not think,
That, perhaps, we want it clean?

Teacher: What’s the reason for his stress?
Student: Obviously, its repressed sex.

And what is also in every text?
Every story! Filled with sex!
You know that poem about the birch tree?
Repressed homosexuality!

I’d rather fill my mind with wool,
That is warm and fuzzy and light,
Than with this cold, sorrowful, content,
You make us work on every night.

Teacher! Teacher! Listen to me!
Hear me in my desperate plea!
Please let us study a book or a play,
That doesn’t end in misery.

4 weeks without commitments

These last 4 weeks I've missed a lot fo my outer school activities due to events in my life that have prevented me from going.
These events are:
1. Final Debating round ever (Noooo!)
2. Bye bye Birdie (Finished! Nooooo!)
3. VCE Careers night (Waste of time)
4. Chamber choir concert (We came second! Woot!)
5. Family commitments

I sincerely miss contemporary and Youth group and hope to be back in my regular schedual next week. I've been a busy boy :P

Voting

Today I voted for the first time. I did it in Wayburn Creache, which was my kinder garden. It was ridiculously nostalgic.

I voted for GREENS. I felt good

A lazy afternoon ramble

Note to readers, I'm kinda just gonna go blaaaaah and say what ever comes to mind, so this is pretty much pure ramble. I hope it's interesting.

Ever had on of those afternoons that feel like they are going forever and yet you get nothing done, so it seems like it didn't even happen? This is one of those afternoons. I'm a little drowzy, so thats probably a factor. But time seems so strange. It's not quite tangible and yet it's so precious. Why is it all these lonely afternoons feel like days and the hours I spend with people I enjoy spending time with feel like minutes?
I wish i could spend this drowzy afternoon with Samantha. Heck, I wish I could spend my life with her at the moment. I get so lonely and so lost in these afternoons. Yes, very lost. My thoughts just don't seem to congregate like normal. They're like clouds. They drift by, very slowly and when I try to gather them they just waft through my fingers....It's very annoying.
And life seems so monotonous. Its just get up. Go to school. Try to concentrate and understand everything in school and then get home and do what? Homework. Every night. I'm so envious of my dad who just goes to work and returns and doesn't have to do anything. And I'm not even doing anything I really want to do except Viscom, which is working on my card game. But even that...I only have myself to motivate myself, so its really difficult to do on a continuous basis.
And being a teenage boy is frustrating sometimes... Hormones are silly. They give you the desire for things even when you have no way to fulfil those desires...and it's so distracting..
And I honestly think that this life I have is not the proper way to live. If this was the right way to live, would I be second guessing myself so often? Would I be able to find such faults in it? Would people even be able to stuff up the world if it was the right way to live?
This is probably why I like the idea of being in a tribe so much. Tribes only had to worry about getting food and other tribes. They didn't have to worry about money or getting work in on time or having the right clothes to wear. They didn't have to worry about body image and they didn't have to worry about getting good grades. All they needed to be was strong, smart at getting food and needed to think about who they'd like to mate with. Live seemed so simple... You didn't have to understand maths or why red and green are oppositional colours. You didn't need facebook to talk to people. You'd simply hang out with them if you liked them. There are no goodbyes if you don't want them.
However there are definitely some things I like about this world we live in. Music is amazing and creating stories and dreaming is definitely part of the right way to live. It makes me feel so good and there are never reprocussions to it. It is honest and pure goodness, I never feel bad when making/reading/listening to them. And food. Food is amazing too. Luckily the world has got that right.
Well I'm feeling slightly more awake now so I think I'll go do some more homework. Sigh, such is life.