New year reflections and resolutions

Man, there is so much to talk about. For anyone reading this post, its mainly a reflection on my year of year of experience and how well/how badly it has gone.

Firstly, I'd like to explain that this year was the year of Experience. by this it means that I wanted to become experienced in certain area's of my life and gain a whole new bunch of experiences. I wanted to feel skilled as a person not only in my art, music and academic, but to becomes adept with dealing with people.

Overall, I feel that I have achieved a lot. However, a lot of this was because I turned 18. Here are the new things I experienced in 2010:

1. I was finishing VCE. (hence major stress)
2. Having a girlfriend.
3. Breaking up with a girlfriend.
4. Being a lead role in Bye Bye Birdie.
5. Finishing school.
6. Having my first drink.
7. Driving for the first time.
8. Doing my own washing and ironing (at home)
9. Budjeting my money
10. Experiencing crown from a long time member's point of view
(oh yeah, and visiting a strip club which is an experience I'd rather forget)

Lots of these were jsut due to growing older and being 18. So in that sense it was an easy year. Though, getting a lead role in the musical and having a girlfriend were based mainly off skill or luck. So those I can consider major achievements.

All the things I did were mostly good and I had a blast, but in a way the more new things i experienced, the less time I had to become experiened in the things I wanted to become skilled in. Luckily I had school to cover for some of this. My viscom folio forced me to become better skilled with using computers and my art, which a huge relief. Same thing for media and the Trio.

Actually on a side note about the trio. THANK GOD for the trio. I love it so much. It's really good at keeping my music senses trained and strong. Plus, singing is one of the things I was born to do. I just love it. Also Hamish is awesome and Shawn is a friggin music GENIUS. So tis a great social atmosphere.

My year has been a big year of soaring highs and my lowest ever lows. So I guess you could call it bitter sweet. I think I'll call it bitter sweet like lemon meringne tart.

I'm sure Kevin Rudd can relate.


So what now? Well, due to my lack of organisation this year, next year is gonna be my year of management. I need to learn how to manage myself and the things I do better. I've left too many people with expectations of me and I've let them down all because I haven't been organised enough. I'd like apologise for that, and please know that next I will be working on it.

In conclusion, I'd like to thank people this year who have made me feel better or myself or just been there for me when it mattered (in jokes included) (and yes this will sound very gay, but it's hard to be sentimental and not sound gay):
Luke Williams - You are the sugar to my life. You make everything that little be better. It's friggin magic man. MAGIC!

Hamish Gould - My beloved prince and clone. You make me feel like myself, you are there for me when I'm down and though your inexperience in life often makes your advice not quite right, you've got a heart of gold and a great mind. Thank you as always.

Vivienne Mah - My councilor. Whenever I need to talk about love problems you are always there to listen. Your enthusiasm is infectious and it brightens my spirits when I'm down. You're a bundle of brilliance.

Sharon Lin - My other councilor. You're a great friend and you're always there to listen to me. I like your taste in things too. It's pretty awesome. Any time I'm with you you add 1/10th of an improvement of my day to my day. You make average days good and you make good days great.

Ravindu - My Sri Lankin homeboy. You make everything funny. Love having a good laugh with you. Don't ever change cause any adjustment could only decrease your awesomeness. You are THE awesome. THE awesome. If you look up awesome in the dictionary, your face should be next to it.

Chris Cini - My Maltese bro. I really appreciate the talks we had on schoolies man. You're mah bro and we be bros for friggin ever. MALTESE PRIDE FTW!

Adrian - For being the same as always and having an abundance of intelligence with a subtle wise undertone. I really like it. Even if it is like 200 times faster than I can think.

Alan Nyugen - My frees buddy. Thanks for making frees really interesting and showing me a whole heap of awesome anime and manga related things.

Andrew Bates - Batesy Boy. You make everything more Batesy flavoured. While, to some, it is an acquired taste, I thoroughly enjoy it. We should hang out more. Also your a good hugger and I admire your confidence. Sorry if I wasn't there all the times you needed me.

Beth Camier - Thanks for helping me realise things about myself.

For all those who weren't mentioned, you still mean a lot to me as you were probably prodominant in a different year of my life.

Till then, I hope you all have a happy new year.
See you in 2011!

Regards,
Jonathan Calleja

The Craving

While the last 2 days have been great (Christmas and the cricket), the high I had from it has been pushed out of me faster than I thought it could be.

... I got that feeling again. It's romantic loneliness.

Something today told me that I did want to love again. I wanted to be held again, to be thought about and to be loved again. I want to show someone I love them and make them feel like the most important person in the world. I want to stare into their eyes and feel their warmth on my skin. I want to feel their tenderness and let them know I'll always be there for them for anything they need.

I want to live, I want to love and I want this silly romantic hunger to go away.

Eeeeeerrrrggghhh.....

Yesterday, the clubbing that almost was.

Yesterday was probably one of the most public transport using days of my life, as I caught the bus, the tram and the train all numerous times to get to different places. Where do you ask? well here is where I went and what happened:

Place: VicRoads
Major Events: The L's test.
What happened: I had the test. I was pretty nervous the entire time (my heart was pumping blood so hard I heard it in my ears). I passed. I found out I needed something official that had my address on it. I didn't have it. I took the bus back home as mum didn't want to drive me, got my VCE results letter, went back via bus (the whole process of travel took about 1 hour and 30 mins) and handed it in. I got my photo taken andmy L's reciept.

Later that day.....

Place: Myer business building in Docklands
Major Events: Being a Myer christmas angel
What happened: Along with a group of chime people. (Dougal, Hamish, Anne Matsi, Robin and 3 other girls whose names escape me). We (the seagulls as we where nicknamed) performed for the mostly greatful group of business men and women at the myer party. The gig was mostly iffy and it appeared that no-one heard us, as no-one stood and listened, they just went on chatting. But who cares. I got paid and had an awesome time :) And also, the next time I see those cooks, I could almost kiss one as they provided me with dinner in my time of EXTREME hunger (as I had forgotten lunch :S). Also the praising Hamish jokes continued. He is no longer just good enough to be a good prince, but a good angel as well :P

Even later that day....

Place: Outside Cheers nightclub in Hawthorn
Major Events: Clubbing (or almost)
What happened: I got there at 9:30 and waited outside for people to arrive who said they'd be there at around 8 or 9. They rung up and said they wouldn't be there by 10. Then I went for a stroll around Hawthorn as I didn't want to go into a club for my first time without having mates nearby. I was trying to play it safe. A lot of people going to these clubs looked really.... how do I say this.... overly lively, as if they were looking for some kinda of action and didn't care if it was at the expense of someone else. One of the night club bouncers called me a pretty boy, however he kinda muttered it to his mates. I dunno if I should take that as a compliment or an insult, or advice not to go clubbing in a good shirt and pants, but instead go with some kinda Assassin's Creed style hoody and long baggy pants or skinny jeans. Oh well, the whole experience was fun once some of my old friends arrived. I had a great talk with Jarod and still consider him a really good bloke. The main reason I went (to be truthful) was because two girls asked me to come ( i know I'm so shallow) and one of them was very good looking and seemed to like me despite having a boyfriend. Strange. Another person I once knew smoked a ciggie infront of me and despite my disgust, I tried not to make him feel bad for doing it. I played the indifferent card at the time, even though on the inside I wanted to slap him and stamp out the infernal ciggie.

On the way home

Place: Syndal train station
Major Events: Waiting for my mother who so kindly offered to pick me up.
What happened: I was waiting by a lamp post and a group of youths who had jsut come of the train all started running at me. At one point my mind was going WTF mate? But I'd already seem some crazy shiz that night and I was tired, so I could be bothered moving. In the end they just ran right past me and yelled out to the girls they had left behind "HE DIDN"T MOVE!" and yelled back at me "YOU RUINED THE FUN!"
My reply: "Sorry! Have a nice night"
At least that was a laugh.

I finally got to bed at 1am and slept till 10am, so I'm actually really happy with myself. 9 hours sleep is great.
Anyway, despite that its 8 days from the end of the year of experience, it appears that I'm still experiencing lots of stuff I didn't even know I would. What a good year it's been.

till then, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Poems and writing from my old 'Archive'

Okay, first off, I must explain that when I'm sitting at my desk, and I have a piece of paper and a pen in hand, stuff happens. I write poetry, or draw pictures or just rant all my feelings onto a page and all of this is placed in various places in my room. I keep most of it in one particular place in my room, and I cleaned that out yesterday to find a whole heap of old work. Hence I am uploading some of it on my blog.


How long

How long, how long,
How long must one wait,
Till they have waited long enough?

How much, how much,
How much must I think,
Till I have thought enough?

How sure, how sure,
How sure must I be?
To know these feeling are true?

And how, oh how,
Oh how can I tell?
Tell you, that I, love you?



What can I rely on? (a hypothetical rant)

What can I rely on? People? Partly. They change.
Knowledge? Partly. It can be wrong.
Technology? Partly. It breaks.
History? Partly. It can be disproven and is subject to interpretation.
God? Possibly... But these gods don't feel right. They want things from you. They want more from you than what they created you with.
The world? Mostly. Day and night continue, however the world is subject to humanity.
Nature? Mostly, if it is left alone. But it is never left alone.
Myself? Partly. My moments of weakness fail me.
What can I rely on?


Two conflicting forces

Two conflicting forces,
Are dueling inside me,
One for logic and wisdom,
The other, passionate liberty.

To face either,
Without the other,
Is to give into its power.

And yet to give in,
Would be comforting,
I'd feel better by the hour.

But a longer stretch of time,
A month? a week?
Will I be reconsidering,
What I seek?

Both these roads could lead,
To either hardship or riches,
and on the way,
Will I meet angels or witches?

But which ever road I take,
Which ever fighter wins,
Love will still be love,
And sins will still be sins.

Just a word.

It has been a awhile since I posted anything and I think it's time for you people to get another snippet of my busy life, cause you know, you probably want to read about it since your reading my blog.

In a way, you're all stalkers, but not really as I'm giving you information about my life willingly and pretty much saying "HERE IS MY LIFE! READ ABOUT IT!" and I strangely enjoy it. So, if this is your preferred stalking method, please continue.
Man that sounded weird, but you probably expect that from me.

Yes, Life. It's supposed to be boring at the moment as I'm not supposed to have anything to do. However, being the crazy person I am, I have managed to fill up almost all my time with things to do. For example, I'm trying to do something with the trio, now officially named TripleClef. (see us on youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/user/TripleClef)
I'm also, once again, in the crown christmas choir and I'm earning monies doing what I love. Singing. In addition to that, I've had this dance concert, I've got a job today removing grass from a woman's lawn and I also been helping Hamish's folks move. So it's been long and busy. But never-the-less it's fun.

Tomorrow is the day I get my VCE results back. I hope I do well enough. I really have no idea what I'm going to get. Luckily I already know I've got a place in TAFE (well 2 actually) and I still have a chance of getting into Uni, so who knows.

It'd be kind of strange for me to finish my posts without a poem or a philosophical comment, so here's a question or two for you all.

What makes you happy?
If you are happy do you have a good life?

Post your answers in the comments. Serious answers please (or make them very funny).
Till then,
Lots of love,
Jonathan